defile

I am somewhat excited that the portion of Jesus' teaching on what defiles us is optional this week because quite frankly it is the place where I struggle the most. I often find myself defiled in two ways. First, I think ugly thoughts about people (which if the adultery thing is true means I've defiled myself). Second, I say stupid things without thinking; my filter is porous.

I am really trying to work on the first, as I feel it will impact the second. It is really hard, however, to change the way one thinks about the world. It is really hard to stop thought patterns that seem to be so ingrained. When we head to the grocery store I fell predisposed to ugliness, and I want that to change. I'm tired of being defiled.

Unfortunately, the Bible is less instruction manual and more a spiritual connect the dots. There is not advice, that I can find, regarding the changing of one's heart, except that it is only by God through Christ that it happens. All that to say that I'm kinda glad that we can ignore the defilement conversation this week, if we so choose, because I'm just not there yet. I'm still working on my self, still hoping that my heart of stone will be softened, and that perhaps I can make it through a grocery store trip without being defiled.