I have trust issues

I know in my heart that God's will for me is perfect. I know in my heart that God will protect me. I know in my heart that the Holy Spirit, alive within me, works every minute to bring my will to perfection in the Father's will. Yet, in my head, sometimes, it is just so hard to trust.

Moses, too, had trust issues. His calling involved a bush that burned but was not consumed, how much more clarity does one need that God is at work? Anyway, Moses' call story is, for me, the quintessential call narrative. I used it last year for a Christian Ed Administration paper on the calling of volunteer leaders. It just seems the perfect example of God being God and humans being humans.

Moses, who clearly has a job, has his life completely changed by his curiosity. To return to Egypt is to take his life into his own hands. To walk up to Pharaoh and ask for the Israelites to be released is lunacy. Imagine having to share this calling with the people you are called to free? Yet, God is faithful. God responds to every one of Moses' trust issues with a word of grace.

"Who am I..." Moses says. "I will be with you..." God responds. (I have to note here the way in which I feel much like Moses. Do you see what an arrogant response Moses gives? God has just given Moses a task. God is speaking directly to Moses. God people, God. And what is Moses' first thought. "I don't have the ability to do this." It is all about him, and in no way about God. This is so true with my trust issues surrounding a job - but enough of an aside).

"Ok, but what about the Israelites?" Moses responds again. "Tell them I AM sent you." God has a plan, God knows of its wisdom, Moses isn't so sure, and God motivates. It is a cycle that happens over and over again in human history. A cycle that happens over and over again in my life. I forget that God's plan is perfect with or without me. I forget that the goal of life is perfection of the will. I forget these things and tell God that I know what's best. Like Moses I want to keep it safe and easy, but God, being God, will have none of it. God, being God, is worthy of trust, in heart and mind.