Small group this morning as two of our number were off to the Lutheran, Episcopal, Catholic dialog in Montgomery, but still a good conversation surrounding the parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.
As I've said before pride is an area of expertise for clergy; myself especially, and so this morning was spent dealing with it face to face. So often we hear and say, "I came to this church and it was bad. I did this, that, and the other things, and now its good." And in the silence that follows we think "Aren't I great?!?" Clergy are emblematic of the larger problem with doing God's work in the world. When we are doing it, it feels an awful lot like our work; and trying to remember whose work it is gets harder and harder the more successful the program becomes.
Pastor Jay came up with a neat teaching exercise. Have everyone write down their top ten accomplishments in life. Then have them write down the ten greatest things God has done in their lives. Compare the lists. Is God a part of our successes, or is God at work somewhere else; maybe inside us doing the work of sanctification? It seems like an interesting endeavor.
The other main topic of conversation was the fine line between pride and humility and the step up from pride to self-righteousness. I was proud this weekend to officiate at a wedding for an old friend. As I processed in with the groomsmen a lady leaned over and said, "the minister is 15." I looked the same as the wedding party, and I thought that was cool. I was proud to be in the midst of such a humbling experience as I know that the only reason I was there is God's work in my life. The groom and I had fallen out of touch long ago, but because of my usefulness I was asked to be a part of the service. Sounds harsh, but it is really the truth, but my usefulness comes from God alone. I am 27 years-old and ordained not because of my own special merit, but because God has allowed it. That's all. That is humbling to realize. What could have happened, and my yet, is a move from being proud of what God has done, to being self-righteous; thinking I can do it on my own by taking all the praise I received as something I deserve; which is totally not the case. The ceremony was from the Prayer Book, the homily came from the Spirit, and the beauty of the day was God's own doing. I just showed up; God did the work. But oh, it is tempting to make that move from toeing the fine line between pride and humility up the steps toward "trusting in myself that I am righteous and regarding others with contempt."
More humility to come; I know it.
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